When January rolls around, we think of new beginnings. We make a list of resolutions for the new year. This year along with all of your other resolutions include a few resolutions about your family.
(1) If you are living day to day dreading to go home to an angry or spiteful spouse, then start planning on creating a new life for you. That most likely will mean counseling for you and your spouse (and children since they are casualties of your war) and possibly a divorce. A bad marriage, or any bad relationship, does not magically get better on its own. No matter what you choose, there will be anger and hurt but you will be able to work through all of those emotions to find a resolution that works well for you.
(2) Plan to spend more time with your children whether they are small or adults. Take your job as a parent seriously because it is a lifetime commitment. AND because your children love you and you love them. If you stay out of their lives, both you and your children lose. I often think of the song “Cats in the Cradle” by Harry Chapin- if you don’t have time for your children now, don’t be surprised when they don’t have time for you later.
(3) Be civil to your former spouse. Kindness goes a long way. If you can’t be civil then keep it to “just the facts” and don’t look for another way to wound your Ex. Remember that person is the mother or father of your children. Remember too that once, your Ex was the love of your life- what does that say about your ability to choose a partner wisely if that person is now the spawn of Satan?
(4) Pay your child support and alimony on time every time. It doesn’t do your emotional psyche any good to pay late (especially if that is your sabotage/revenge plan) and can actually give you a physical sickness due to the stress of plotting through anger. Also, remember that those payments are a court order and you can lose your driver’s and professional licenses if you don’t pay. Child support is just that, money to support your children (they didn’t ask for your marriage to crumble into dust) and your kids deserve the best that you can give them.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!