Remember all the planning you put into the engagement and then the wedding? It was exciting and yet a relief when it was over. You thought you would live happily ever after and for those first two years (or add your specific number of years here) it was all hugs and kisses. And then all of a sudden it changed- she got fat…he got lazy…she had a headache…he had porn…the kids came along and tension rose between the both of you. The fact is none of that happened overnight. It took years and created battle scars. Some of those scars healed but many festered until you made the decision to divorce.
Now you want the pain of divorce to end immediately. It just doesn’t work that way. You give yourself a month to grieve and you’re surprised to find out that at the end of the month you still hurt. You miss your old life even if it was miserable enough to make you seek a divorce. You’re grieving for the good that was a component of your married life. You’re grieving for not seeing your kids everyday. You’re grieving for the loss of the person you thought of as your best friend. Grieving takes time and the amount of time is specific to you. No one escapes grieving. Even when your EX looks happy, they have not escaped grieving.
You can make the grieving process easier by recognizing it for what it is…a process..not an end. Reach out to family and friends; find organizations for single parents or the newly divorced; church works for some and others throw themselves into their work. Recognize too that this is a time to create a new you or to go back to those activities that made you happy before you were married. You’ve already found out that drinking makes the grieving process longer and the headaches should be your reminder of that. Start recreating your life.
If you have children, find more interactive activities you can share with them. A night at an Embassy Suites is very cool for kids because of the pool, the palm trees, the free snacks and sodas (for you a glass of wine), and the free breakfast where they can choose from options. Jumping on the bed is not discouraged! You can go to a nearby movie and dinner out-it’s your vacation with the kids. A water park, Lego Playland, miniature golf (they do have indoor golf that glows in the dark), a playground (McDonalds’ play ground is great on a rainy day); identify an activity that suits the age of your kids. You’ll be tempted to let them sit on the couch and play a game on their phone or tablet (especially if they are teens) but that does not create memories for you or for them. That being said, don’t just be the good-time parent–you still need to be a parent to your child so check homework and let them know behavior boundaries .
There is light at the end of divorce and grieving doesn’t last forever.