Knowing What You Know Now

  1. Knowing what you know now about your EX, would you still choose that person to marry or have a child with?
  2. Did you overlook their obvious faults or brush them aside?
  3. Did you think you could change him or her?
  4. Did you care more about the wedding reception and the look of the invitations than you did about the actual wedding (marriage)?
  5. Did you think about the vows you were making and understand the promises?
  6. Did you have divorce as your fall back position on day 1 (or the day of the engagement)?
  7. Did you know your soon to be spouse had very little interest in children but you thought that wouldn’t apply to your children together (or to step-children)?
  8. Did you think that binge drinking didn’t make him or her an alcoholic or that habitual use of drugs was simply recreational?
  9. Were you looking to be saved or looking to be a savior rather than a co-equal partner in a marriage?
  10. Was your biological clock ticking so loud that you heard nothing else?
  11. Did your family and friends give you insight that you refused to consider?
  12. Did you hate his or her family but thought you’d never have to see them after the wedding?
  13. Did you think it was your fault when the abuse started because you “knew which buttons to push?”
  14. Did you think because ALL of your friends were getting married that marriage was your next DATING step?

Think about these questions and YOUR answers about YOURSELF. Make a change or you’ll follow this same path again and again.

Control

“Her bedtime is 7:30 and I expect you to put her to bed then!”

“He is only allowed to eat apples at my house and I expect you to do that same at your house.”

You can control your children in your house, but you can’t control your children in your EX’s house. Why? Because you have no control over your spouse. It’s really that simple. The scenario changes if you suspect abuse because then you have a right and duty to move forward to protect your children. However, abuse is a criminal matter.

Some of your parenting concerns should have been addressed in the parenting agreement you both signed. Otherwise, a little bit of honey, instead of vinegar, may work with your EX. But, if you have tried honey and it didn’t work, then realize that the conflict issue may be your issue and not your spouse’s issue. Let go of control.